Willing to Fight...

I am not going to lie, I'm taking a big chance by putting this out in the open, but I have to get this off of my chest... 

Have any of you heard of FADA? If you have, you know that it is the First Amendment Defense Act. If you haven't, I will try to give you the clif-notes version below, for it has popped up again in the news, given the very real concerns that it could actually become fruition.

But first, let me say one point:

You can roll your eyes, tell me to shut up in your head or to my face, tell me to suck it up, to calm down, to move on, unfriend me, tell me that my candidate lost-get over it, tell me what I am doing/saying it isn’t going to change anything, tell me that it isn't going to be that bad-give ‘em a chance, tell me it isn't your fault for you didn't vote for him, tell me that I have it so much better off then those before me, tell me I am being ungrateful, tell me that these things just can’t happen given the political makeup of our country, tell me to stop my political posts, and tell me that I’m overreacting: Know that moving forward, this is my FIGHT SONG right here! I am going to FIGHT as hard as I can to help educate, highlight, and fight against the injustices that are going to occur in the incoming administration, in any way possible.

Back to the clif-notes of what FADA is.

FADA is essentially a religious freedom act, but stronger and scarier, with far more reaching ramifications then just the LGBTQ community.  Section 2 of H.R. 2802 states that “Leading legal scholars concur that conflicts between same-sex marriage and religious liberty are real and should be legislatively addressed---- Protecting religious freedom from Government intrusion is a Government interest of the highest order.” (https://www.congress.gov/114/bills/hr2802/BILLS-114hr2802ih.pdf)  Furthermore, it states that the way to protect these freedoms, is to not allow Federal actions to occur that would ‘slap the hand’ of those who are doing the discrimination for they are basing it on their religion. “The Federal Government shall not take any discriminatory action against a person, wholly or partially on the basis that such person believes or acts in accordance with a religious belief or moral conviction that marriage is or should be recognized as the union of one man and one woman, or that sexual relations are properly reserved to such a marriage.” (https://www.congress.gov/114/bills/hr2802/BILLS-114hr2802ih.pdf) The issue at hand here is that FADA will give EVERYONE (businesses, corporations, employers, city/county/state/federal offices, individuals) the right to discriminate towards anyone they know or may suspect as LGBTQ (and even unmarried heterosexual couples), by saying that it is “against one’s religion” whether it is the truth or not. It will give them the right to deny someone acceptance into higher education institutions, the right to fire them, the right to not hire them, the right to deny spousal benefits, the right to deny hospital visits, the right to deny any service that they may be providing; ranging from wedding cakes to dog grooming, the right to deny health care coverage and lifesaving medicine to them, among a hundred other things that can openly be discriminated against. Heck, even as most of us can’t stand the IRS come the beginning of the year, “a persuasive analysis by the American Civil Liberties Union concludes that the bill would allow federal employees with objections to same-sex marriage to refuse to process tax returns or Social Security checks for gay couples.” (http://www.latimes.com/opinion/editorials/la-ed-religious-liberty-20150721-story.html) To top it all off, regardless if you live in a State with a non-discrimination statute or not, this Bill will basically “circumvent critical federal protections and allow blatant discrimination” (http://www.hrc.org/blog/so-called-first-amendment-defense-act-would-roll-back-critical-protections), as well as State protections by, for the lack of a better word given our current state of affairs, “trumping” them.  

FADA has been sitting in the House Ways and Means committee for over a year since the Obergefell ruling that granted Same-Sex couples the right to marry, with no real push by the Representatives that introduced it, for they knew it wasn't going to pass with a Democratic President who has supported minority rights, if it was able to get through both houses. It has been sitting, percolating, waiting for a majority to accept it, and move it forward. That majority will now be in control of most of the branches of the Federal Government (except SCOTUS for the time being) and there is little doubt it will pass, unless a sustainable filibuster occurs. Think Wendy Davis and her almost 13 filibuster attempt over the Texas Abortion bill, or the House sit-in, drawing attention to gun control.

If you think that we (and by saying 'we' I mean us in the LGBTQ community and the many others out there scared of the new reality we find ourselves in) are overreacting and saying to me in your head; “Didn’t you hear that The President-Elect stated that he won't take away your marriage rights in that 60-minutes interview?” Bills like H.R 2802 have a real possibility of getting passed and circumventing ways to take every Federal right away that my wife and I (among countless other married same-sex couples) have today, through discrimination, except for the piece of paper that states we are married.

Our political landscape and the laws that govern us are about to change drastically, like no one has ever seen. If you haven’t taken (and still don't want to yet) a step back to look at the bigger picture of how many legal issues are of a concern right now for so many people (this is just one subset of them, trust me), it will be hard to comprehend why a large majority of us are legitimately worried about what the future holds.

In the end, I am NOT against your religion and it isn’t that I am not religious myself. What you do in the private space of your house/life/social circles and how you spend your time is your realm, and I respect that, and I would hope that would be reciprocal. I’m not trying to ‘shove’ my life into yours, I simply want to draw attention to the fact that where we are today isn't normal and we can’t normalize it. We can’t calm down and hope for the best-that went out the window last week.  We need to fight with whatever tools we have. Discrimination is Discrimination and no matter how you slice it, it will not further the greater good of the people and this country. So get sick of me now and do what you need to, in order to avoid me, for I’m not going to stop, this hits too close to home…Heck, THIS ONE HITS HOME.

~J

If you want some more info on H.R. 2802, check out the following articles: http://time.com/money/4569950/lgbt-rights-workplace-trump/

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2016/11/16/the-gop-s-anti-lgbt-anti-women-religious-freedom-law-on-steroids.html 

https://www.aclu.org/blog/washington-markup/disingenuous-first-amendment-defense-act-indiana-steroids

http://www.newsweek.com/gay-marriage-and-religious-rights-say-nada-fada-370860

http://www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-out/op-ed-first-amendment-defense-act-fada-bad-business-n608466

6 minutes and 23 seconds....

Disclaimer: Make sure you get something good to drink and are someplace comfy...this is gonna take a while.

I have been in a rut for a few weeks now, honestly. I'm struggling over something that I focused on for a year plus, that was done and over by a stupid mistake before I could even get my heart racing...

If you don't know what I am talking about, 6 minutes and 23 seconds was the total length of time I was actually pedaling my bike in my USA CycloCross National Championship race for my age group. Yes-I know, it seems stupid to focus on one event to base a year on, but let me back up a bit.

This was the first time that I have ever put forth the drive and thought behind trying to complete a long, dedicated season in any sport, honestly. I decided to give it a whirl, for I had lost a good amount of weight the previous year and determined that 2015 was going to be the year that I put in the work. My reason/goal was that CX Nats was going to be in one of my most favorite places in the US; Asheville, North Carolina! If you have never been, I suggest to you DO IT and to make a nice trip in the summer to enjoy the mountains via hiking or biking, cool off via the river sports, relax in the arts and music scene, and of course indulge in the tasty brewery scene. I was super excited for CXNats in Asheville, for I wanted to go back to a place I had once lived and enjoyed so much. It also had the added bonus of being close enough to have family visit (and cheer possibly). And personally, I wanted to prove to myself that I could race my face off and not be a slow, out of shape embarrassment as I had felt I had been for so many years, and have fun in the town I lovingly call the Burlington, VT of the Bible Belt!

So, I figured that in order to be serious, I had to be whole body serious. I had already shifted how I was eating, but I knew that I needed to add in the full body fitness into the mix. So, I started a Functional Performance class at Perfect Balance Conditioning, which I really enjoyed (and still do). The class is a hard, yet fun mix of strength work, balance, core, and cardio. Plus, I got to heckle my Comp Racing Boyz (Kurt and Dan) about boxes, decks, and that I was pushing more sled weight then them.... Don't ask...we really are 12 yrs. old at times...especially at 5 am! Furthermore, after some thought, I also decided to hire a coach, for I  could go out and ride my bike A LOT, but heck if I knew how to setup a training plan or figure a way to not completely over exert myself and pass out from said exhaustion. 

As the year went on, I did some MTB races that I felt would get me into gear come CX race season. I picked what races I wanted to do based on if I liked the course/venue and also decided to throw a few in that I wanted to challenge myself on or try a new place. In the 7 MTB races that I completed, I only missed the podium once, so I could tell that the work I was putting in was definitely paying off so far, and that made me even more stoked for CX season to come around!

Winding Trails Cat 2 35+ Podium-1st race of the season
Photo Cred: Kristen Lukach

Serene helping me shred at Boston Rebellion
Photo Cred: Steph Golmon

Rolling through Windham World Cup's challenging rock garden
Photo Cred: Kristen Lukach

Windham WC Cat 2 35+ Podium
Photo Cred: Kristen Lukach

So along came CX season, I was ready, or so I thought. My first race at White Park in New Hampshire was a complete bust. Way too hot for me and I can't handle the heat, so that made me dead last! It wasn't the confidence booster that I wanted and it had me deflated pretty quick! On came Sucker Brook the next day and it was a decent showing, which helped me prepare mentally before the big show of Gloucester Grand Prix, one of the best CX races on the East Side!

Gloucester was a hot dust fest of a power course on the first day, with enough twists to slow some fast peeps down. I was slightly worried about it, but as they say, it is just riding bikes in circles right?! At the start line on the first day, there was a crash that I had no idea had happened until people who are usually eons ahead of me, were behind me. I finished just outside the top twenty of a stacked CAT 3 women's field at 21st. My best ever placing in a CX race with more than 25 people! ;) True story, just look at my results in the previous years via Colin Reuter's brain child: Cross Results Day 2 of Gloucester was the same, but I was slightly tired and my legs didn't want to play very well, so I settled for a top 30 spot and was okay with that, as this was the first double of the season as well.

A Dry/Fast/powerful 1st day at Gloucester GP
Photo Cred: Mike Rowell

Hammer face...
Photo Cred: Geoff Martin

Once Gloucester was done, my focus was onto Night Weasels in Shrewsbury at Ski Ward, a deceiving little stinker of a ski hill that offers a lot of climbing and great heckling by the crowd. I struggled mightily that night without my prescription glasses and using my backup bike, as I was expecting a mud-fest that wasn't. But Twizzlers and dollar hand ups at the stairs helped drown my sorrows.

Then came Divine Providence, which I had decided to only do one race on Saturday, for I didn't like the idea of 150-200 women being jammed onto the course at once with a wide range of bike racing/handling skills, only to get frustrated. As luck would have it, it had rained the previous day and was still spitting that morning, so it was muddy. MY FAV!! It also meant less racers and more ways to have fun. I must say that this year's course was one of the best and it played to my skills, as a 13th place finish proved, even after a couple of dropped chains that I quickly took care of.

As to not bore you, I will try really hard to fast forward through the rest of the season as best as I can. 

After Providence, came two of my more favorite races on the NECX calendar in MinuteMan CX and Orchard CX. MinuteMan is held at Lancaster Fairgrounds and offers lots of s-curves that I LOVE!! I didn't have the best start but managed to snag a top 20 in a fast 1-3 Women's field. 

Now if you all don't know Orchard Cross, you should! It is the best venue and most awesome race venue FOR ALL AGES!!! It happens at Applecrest Farm Orchards and the owners manage to let us setup a rockin' course in their fields! But usually the best part of the entire day (and usually the season) is the Costume Race!! Just go ahead and Google Orchard CX Costume Race...OK here, I saved you a step: Google Results It is just a blast and you never know what you will see! Even giraffes have been known to show up! 

After I came back to the Present from the Future, I raced in the Women's 1-3 race with some fast ladies. Now while my 18th place finish didn't prove much, I could feel the training really start to take shape and that it was working. I was really, REALLY racing and it felt good!  I was placing around people that years earlier, I wouldn't have been in the same stratosphere as. I was happy where I was at. However, I also could feel something else going on, but not thinking it was anything but a sore/stiff back, I kept going onto the next set of races. 

Next was a VT weekend of Paradise CX held at Harpoon Brewery (how all should be) and then down in Putney for the West Hill CX race. As I was racing Paradise, as hard as I pushed I had no gas in my legs and I couldn't get them to turn over. I thought it was just travel and racing getting to me, so again, I just kept going. At West Hill, there is a run-up (check out what I mean via Thom Parson's awesome vid: Dirtwire West Hill Highlights) that will break you, but the rest is really cool MTB'r type racing. I was excited and felt tired, but ready. I had one of the best starts all CX season but somehow felt zapped as we reached the top to the barriers. As we raced and came to the run up, again, I couldn't put energy behind my legs and couldn't lift my legs to climb the hill. I figured I had a sore back and was tired from hanging out with old friends the night before. I was dead last, but I finished. After Putney, I knew it was a light training week and then off to race NoHo.

Lovin' and feeling the Berm/Pump Track at Orchard CX
Photo Cred: Geoff Hull

I went to the past to go Back to the Future
Photo Cred: Kristen Lukach

Paradise CX @ Harpoon-Gotta love VT
Photo Cred: Kristen Lukach

NoHo lovingly refers to the Adam Meyerson production, Cycle-Smart International. It is a  fun course, in a fun town, and we usually make it a quick weekend to see some of my family even further west in the Berkshires. However, as I went out for a pre-lap, I knew something was not right with my back. All of my ignoring and thinking it was tiredness, was proving me otherwise. I couldn't even lift my leg over the barriers, let alone try carrying my bike. But after 4 Advil and Shawn-o advice of embrocation and sitting on a heated seat to activate it, I was going to give it a go. I raced, I winced, I suffered, but I finished. I was surprised to find myself in the top 20 and was determined to give Sunday a whirl after R and R at my cousin's. Somehow, not sure how, but I managed a better race on Sunday as I placed 12th after a good battle with Cathy and Dana, but holy moly did I HURT. I knew I had to take some time off and see someone about the back issue that had totally flared up and made riding/racing TOTALLY unbearable. 

The Dana Express hot on my tail
Photo Cred: Mike Rowell

Trying my darnedest at NoHo with a busted back
Photo Cred: Mike Rowell

After close to a month of treatments (chiro/deep tissue/muscle work/massages/and rest), I decided to give NBX down in Warwick a try, for I knew that my hopes of riding at CXNats depended on how I felt at this race. I love the course and it has one of the longest Baywatch beach scenes....Uhhhh I mean longest beach runs out there in CX. Somehow, while I was sore I was able to race not at full power, but I was racing!! I was happy it was hurting but not dehabilitating and allowing me to continue, as that meant that CXNats was still going to happen in my book! I managed to pull off close to the same results as I had in NoHo and I was happy with that.

NBX Sand-gram grin Baywatch style
Photo Cred: Jim Murphy

Next came that most fun party where a bike race breaks out in the middle of a PARTYYYYY, lovingly called Ice Weasels. However, the only Ice that was had was in the hidden beer garden to cool the drinks on the 70 degree day!! I know I said Orchard Cross was the most rad/fun venue and course out there in our NECX scene, but remember it is for ALL AGES. Ice Weasels is more for the "17+ maybe your parental unit needs to come/maybe not" type of race. If you don't believe me, look at this shots on the Cross Results page: Race Pics or the DirtWire highlights ICE WEASELS COMETH HIGHLIGHTS. Without much more to say, other than the course freakin' ROCKED, I got beat by a Peep, and I still managed a top 20 finish in a fast field of fun ladies! 

I finished my NECX CX campaign with CrossMas down at the Cape and for a first year event, they did a great job and worth checking out again next year, for sure! Plus, we got to hang with Santa.

Ice Weasels had it all with rockin' lines and hidden beer gardens
Photo Cred: Chris McIntosh

Coach Sara showing me how it's done and kickin' my butt, while in a Peep costume!
Photo Cred: Alice Johannson 

Roni and I cheesing with Santa
Photo Cred: Unknown

Overall, I ended up riding and racing a lot by my standards. In fact, compared to my previous years of riding, for 2015, I put in almost the same amount of hours and miles as I had in both 2013 and 2014! 

My 2015 bike/run totals

I don't get paid to ride and work close to 50 hours+ a week, so that was a heck of a lot for me and I was secretly proud of myself for that accomplishment. I even pushed my body past a point of no return and was legitimately worried that my National hopes were going to be a bust. But I did the right thing and sought help, took some time to heal, and felt like I could give CXNats a run for my money! I was excited!!

So along came December and I was lucky enough to have some time off from work before our trip. We did our Christmas together at home, in which we managed to get in a nice 60 degree MTB ride on that day and spend the next day with Kristen's family. The time off was good to have, especially before the 13 hr drive down to my parents. It allowed me to get in some good sleep, pack as I needed to, and to simply not stress. I was nervous and excited, but felt I had done all I could do to get ready to roll. 

So after a great, relaxing visit with my family and playing with all the critters....

Time to play ball

We drove the easy 4 hours over to Asheville to register and check out the course that Monday. It was good 'ole NECX weather when we arrived in snow squalls and 30+ mph wind gusts, but K and I decided to try out the course anyway! 

Cold, snowy, windy Monday to start

The venue was still being put together but let me tell you that the course was PHENOMENAL! 

A ROCKIN' CXNats Venue and Course!

The course was hard as heck, but a treat for riders who liked technical courses. Being a confident (sometimes stubborn) MTBr, I dove right in, soaked up what AshevilleCXNats16 had to offer, and LOVED it!  As brutal as the climbing was, the reward was kickin' chicanes, fast flyovers, serious chutes, and daring drops! As people hemmed and hawed at a drop that was heading into the woods, about 3/4's into the lap, I didn't hesitate a second, dialed my line right away, and didn't look back! This was my dream course, even with the climbing, for it slowed the fast people down some. 

After a few more laps and playing with some more line choices, I was ready for the week!

Tuesday was the Non-Champs 35+ race, where my mindset was to go fairly hard for the first two laps and then try to dial it back to save energy for Thursday's party.

I also wanted to dial in the start, for it was long, and I knew I wanted the outside right starting position due to how the course was bending left after the pavement.

I had a great start, slotted behind our housemate for the week, Roni, who had a killer burst at the whistle! I was on her wheel and then lost it once we hit the grass, but was okay with it, given the course. All of a sudden, there was a crash in the first of the up/down drainage ditches and all I could see were people dog piling on top of Roni. After quickly asking/yelling if she was okay, I maneuvered around to the outside, managing to get in the top 10 as a result. Quickly, a few ladies passed me on the straights and I passed them again on the inside u-turn before we rushed to our first run up. The first run up was punchy, so you needed to be quick and stomp hard in the NC red clay to get traction. I managed fine, remounted, and lost a couple of spots on another straight away before another drainage up/down ditch. We had another quick punchy knoll, before another straight away, where I lost a couple spots. 

This was a great spot to see three different parts of the course: start/finish, Kask flyover, the off camber by the bike barn, and the chute in-between Heckle Hill and the Kask flyover. It was also a great spot where I could clearly hear Kristen and my NECX buds cheering! 

After the straightaway, came the off camber by the Bike Barn. I will be honest, I liked this section a lot; for the more complicated, the better. This section made or lost races for both amateurs and Pros alike. You had to hit it right. For me it was start low and almost before halfway, start tracking to the high line, for it was less of a pitch and cleaner to ride. I felt confident and comfortable on this section and from listening to the sideline encouragement at my choice, it was the right (and sometimes impressive) line call.

After that was a quick stroll through the Bike Barn and up to Heckle Hill. Heckle Hill was "ride-able", but it was a leg zapper, and I had only gotten 1/2 up riding in prelaps and felt it was faster to push my bike up. It was hard, but nothing like the Putney West Hill run up, that can break a person's will to ride after 5 laps. 

Pushing up Heckle Hill
Photo Cred: Kristen Lukach

I also liked the off camber downhill chicanes after Heckle Hill. Again, it was a section I enjoyed riding, knew where to push it, how to balance, and let it rip. If flying from there, into the first drop-in chute, over the Kask flyover, slight lean to the left past the mud pits, and up Bonk Breaker Hill was all about how far and fast could you push the lines; the drop in at the back woods cemented it. You either had confidence and comfortableness with your handling and technical skills, or this section was going to chew you up and spit you out! FOR REAL YO! In a slightly cocky manner, I never blinked an eye and attacked it, like I had in my prelaps. By doing so, it really made me feel comfortable and confident on this course, knowing I was ready to slay Thursdays Champs race!!

So along came Thursday and I was ready! I was even more excited/stoked/nervous, for my parents made the trip out to watch and I didn't want to disappoint! I wanted to show them that I was getting kinda good at this CX thing and that it was crazy hard, but fun!!

By the time Thursday morning rolled around, the ground had gone through a few freeze/thaw cycles, so I knew it could be frozen and starting to melt by the time my race came up. I wanted to get a good couple prelaps in to see how it was riding.WOW! What a different course from previous days, but I knew that was going to happen. There were frozen ruts with some ground softness starting that you could tell would be melting by 10 am. The chicanes  after Heckle Hill proved to be my hardest section to navigate in the frozen grease that was developing. I tried them a few times, but kept sliding into the fall line, which was too steep and made it difficult to get out of. I tried my best but couldn't nail it in the preride that morning, so I finished the rest of the laps and tried to stay warm. I managed to watch the 30-34 Women's race that was before mine and made sure I watched how they took the spot that had troubled me so. I saw them taking it tight and inside, so I figured I would try it come my race. 

I saw my parents, nervously hugged them, and told them how different the course was from when we had walked it the night before with them. I really wanted to do well with them watching. So I went off, warmed up, and did my last bit of race prep. Rolling back and forth behind the start grid, all my hours and miles were waiting for this 40 minute-hard as heck-race. I was nervous, but I knew the course suited me and I felt as prepared as I possibly could have been.  Then Richard Fries started with the announcing of names into the starting grid, like I had heard him many times before in the season.

It was game time! 

I got a 2nd row call up, but not on the right, outside line I wanted, so I settled into the outside left, next to my fellow NECX buddy Emily "Crusher of Courses" Molden, so I was okay with it! K said kick butt and good luck at the line, followed by prerace instructions to the field from Officials... 

1 min to start...

30 seconds to start...

WHISTLE!!!

Holy Crud--We were off! FAST!! 

I didn't have the best start, but by the time we hit the first flyover, I was already picking people off. I was happy with my first 40 seconds, even though I felt slightly flat, but I knew that I take a bit to get warmed up, so I wasn't worried. We did our u-turn by the pits, up the first run up, and I was actually gaining on some more people! I was feeling it! Then came the off cambers by the Bike Barn, and as people were slipping out and tapping toes, I kept to my line choice from low to high and it worked like a charm! Then came the Bike Barn and Heckle Hill, which I don't think I lost time at but am not sure, for I was so mentally focused on conquering the chicanes  after Heckle Hill. I think I even missed my parents cheering for me I was so focused. :( 

I pushed up Heckle Hill, remounted, went for the inside on both corners going down the hill and NAILED IT!! I was so freaking happy to get that monkey off of my back!! From there I went FLYING down the hill to the chute, over the Kask flyover, and down towards the pits. I could see Emily about 3 seconds ahead of me and knew if I caught her, we could possibly be an NECX team helping each other out! 

Right before the pits, it was super muddy and the greasiness continued past them, and it was then that I had a split moment of not paying attention. I looked at a course stake on the left and started heading right towards it. I tried to correct, but was moving too fast, so I slipped/fell and somehow caught myself on my right side on my knee. I quickly righted myself, my bike, and thought "Oh I just have to put my chain back on and I will be good!" But as I went down to fix my "chain", my whole derailleur was flopping where you never want to see it, especially in a race. I looked up and I was 5-15 feet past the pit entrance, but knew the rules; Go backwards and be done. 

SO I RAN AS HARD AS I COULD...

I COULDN'T BELIEVE THIS WAS HAPPENING TO ME!

I felt like some karma, bad voodoo, or something was happening. I was re-running all the scenes in my head and sayings that people had said, kinda of thinking that this was the reason why this was happening, but in reality, I was the only reason.

I was so mad at myself and my inattentive moment, but knew I just had to keep running. I wanted to cry, but then I remembered my family and K was there to cheer me on, and I had to keep going. I had no choice. As I was running, bike slung over my shoulder, NECX friends along the sidelines were like "Ohhh man..." in that tone of voice in which you can hear the sadness and wishing they could fix your bike for you somehow. I ran past the start/finish line and  Georgia Gould mentioned some good Pro advice of making sure you break your bike before the pits. I kept running...

Finally, I made it to the pits.

Glad to no longer be running, I felt gassed and out of my element/groove on my pit bike. I didn't feel comfortable or confident on it, and it showed! I went up towards Heckle Hill, passed K cheering, slightly remember seeing my parents, attempted the chicanes down. It (read 'I') was pathetic. I endo'd and I heard my parents that time, as they exclaimed "Gooo Jenn.....Ohhhhhh..." 

I regathered myself and tried to fly down the hill to the chute and Kask flyover, past the pits (the scene of the crime), and up Bonk Breaker Hill. I could see the leader charging as I climbed but I knew it was only a matter of time, but I really wanted to get one more lap in before getting caught, if the officials would let me. I was mentally debating how to handle the drop in into the woods, for I knew I could ride it, but I was a clusterf@ck at that moment, and thought for a second about running it. In my stubbornness, I said to myself that I had not ran it the entire week and I wasn't going to start now. BAD CALL! I endo'd over the drop, slow-mo style, managed to drop my chain, put it back on, and keep riding. Being even more messed up, I slipped/crashed again  a few feet later on a tight left in the woods, dropped my chain again, and knew my race was done for. I kept pedaling as hard as I could, I went towards the straight away towards the barriers, up and over them, and it was then that the leader passed me. 

My Mom was right there cheering me on saying I could keep going and I sadly/disappointingly said my race was over, for the leader passed me. I crossed the line and was pulled. My Dad was there as I left the course, trying to help, and I sadly don't remember what he said. I was dejected, I felt unfinished, I honestly felt empty, hollow, and had no words. 

Two laps down, dead freaking last, no official finish. 

It wasn't for the lack of trying, but still as of today, it is hard to swallow.

I gave my pit bike to my Dad, who was trying to help, but even he struggled with words. I went to grab my busted bike from the pits and that is where K had sprinted over to, once she realized I was on my pit bike, to see if she could do anything to help. My Mom was there too and as we were walking out/away from the course, I had a small breakdown. 

My season was done and it didn't feel good.

I was numb.

I don't really remember much immediately after that, other then my parents agreeing to meeting us for dinner somewhere after we were done watching our fellow NECX racers kick butt. 

As the fog cleared, I do remember cheering on friends who did awesome and also enjoying some "celebration" family beers and food with my parents and K.

CXNats Champs race prep
Photo Cred: Oscar Jimenez

A moment of reflection of all I have worked for this season at the start line
Photo Cred: Kristen Lukach

Start of the CX Nats 35-39 Championship Race
Photo Cred: Yet Another Bike Page

Trying to get back in it on my pit bike
Photo Cred: Yet Another Bike Page

After my failure on Thursday, I needed to clear my head, so I went for a little ride on Friday along the Blue Ridge Parkway. The little spin, along with riding with Roni bandit style in the back woods to the course, helped bring up my spirits some. 

Had to clear my mind on the Blue Ridge Parkway 

On Friday, we had the team relay in which we were the NECX Ladies. I had designed some quick custom jerseys for the occasion and they were a hit. Our team consisted of Leslie Robinson, her 11 yr old daughter Becca, Roni, and myself. Becca was scared at the idea of a race, but after some pre-ride "coaching" we knew she was going to be fine!! Roni went out first, I was second, followed by Becca, and Leslie was the closer. 

As Roni came up, I left the corral we were waiting in and wanted to go out to do my lap as my feel good moment. I didn't want to end Nats on a busted bike and down on my luck. I wanted to go out smiling and I think I did. Even better than how I ended my experience on the course, was being able to cheer on Becca, as she slayed the chicanes and chutes! That was awesome to see and be a part of.

Besides my races, there was other cool stuff at Nats that happened. Other stuff such as hanging with Olympic medalist Georgia Gould, and cheering on friends, while reveling in their successes, and meandering around town. I was ecstatic to see fellow NECX'rs do soooo freaking amazing out there and I was proud to be part of this cycling "family."

Relay crew fun times
Photo Creds: Paul Robinson (top and two below)

The lovely Georgia Gould and I had CXfever at CXNats

Georgia "the Mechanic CX Champs judging star" Gould

In the end, I am in debt to Kristen and my family for supporting me and cheering me on. I truly am lucky, I just wish I could have delivered something better. So in reality, my USA CycloCross Nationals campaign ended on a good note. Honestly, I should be proud of what I accomplished and how I did this season. There really is next year to conquer what was left unfinished.

However hindsight is 20/20 and I should look back at the bigger picture and realize how really lucky I am to have my health, my love, my family, my friends, and so my other things, outside of racing.

So, here is a quick touch base on the awesomeness that was this past year!!!

We started the New Year of 2015 off right and running with friends in the Wicked Frosty Four

Frosty Four crew

I scored a good job as an Assistant Payroll Manager with Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health

New Office digs

We had a TON of snow....

Gotta have fun somehow in all this snow

Tall order of snow

Enough snow, that it started out as tall as K, but then became like 1.75 Kristen tall!! 

We decided to go ice mountaineering and skiing in the coldest/windiest day of the year in the White Mountains in New Hampshire.

Ice Mountaineering crew

Skiing trouble crew

We flew to Cali and rode with some awesome LUNA chics and managed to learn some new skillz from World Champs Marla and Catharine! It was much needed after one heck of a winter!

Cutie K in SF

Getting ready to ride over the Golden Gate

Learning new MTB ballet skillz

Riding in Berkley with the World Champ

We then had a nice vaca to FL with my Fam! It was a nice and relaxing time before the craziness of summer really started!

Family selfie time

Mom and her girls

Beach fun

Oh yea....and I FINALLY graduated from Harvard! It only took a bazillion years!! 

Finally made it into the Yahhhhhhd

Family grad fun

Even went to KT for graduation celebration! 

We are crazy, I'm not gonna lie...

I finagled an Acadia trip for K's birthday and it was a blast!!  Such a cool place to hike and bike around! The BeeHive is one scary hike, but we survived!

My babe found a buoy

We survived climbing up Cadillac Mountain 

We tried to be out on the water as much as we could this summer, as we had gotten some SUPs for the season. It is so peaceful and amazing to be so close to the ocean at times.

Towards the end of summer, we had an awesome family weekend out in the Berkshires, where my Mom, Dad, and Sister came up from NC. It was lots of laughs and a great time relaxing with them and my Aunt, Uncle, and cousin.

A floating family portrait

Ohh yeaaaaa.....and the biggest news of all, is that we decided to get married and have a Kingdom Trails bandit wedding. It was such a memorable and special day. I am still in awe at times when I think of it. 

Bachelor-ette party at the Tiki Bar in KT
Photo Cred: Selfie King Kurt Maw

Pre-bandit wedding Selfie

So much in love with this girl

Perfect spot

Babes on Bikes, just married

Also, I had a blast cheering on K when I could in her races!! I'm glad that she did the races she wanted and for fun. I know that she really enjoyed the Single Speed series, to the point of looking at getting one! The rule is n+1 for bikes, right?

K cruising in the sand at NBX
Photo Cred: Dana Prey

Snagging Cathy's wheel at Minuteman

3rd at Dah Weasel! 

And as I had mentioned previously, we ended the year out right with a quick trip to the family farm.

Max and Kristen bonding

Nipper is wondering where the carrot it in her carrot looking jacket

Cozy and chilled out by the fire

In the end, the other 525,593:37 minutes in the year were pretty darn awesome and I need to make sure I remember those the most. I need to understand that there is more to life than results and placings. I have an amazing life and it is in that richness that I need to surround my mind in, not the thoughts of failure.

Buddha is my Cat/Cat is my Buddha

Very true.

As always, thanks for reading.