NoHoCX Top What?!!?

Airing it all out...
Photo cred: Uri Halevi

Truthfully, I wasn’t sure what to expect coming into NoHo this past weekend. I had an unexpected weekend off of racing beforehand & felt status quo in my workouts leading up to it. However, I was happy with my race effort at Orchard CX two weeks before, which I felt like I was really racing back and forth with a few friends, so I was trying to bring that positivity forward into this race weekend.

I have always felt super confident at the Look Park course, eating up the little bit of techy parts and corners, while knowing that it truly is a powerhouse course in some of the straights and wind. I went out for a couple pre-laps in the bitter cold on Saturday and felt cautiously okay in them. I knew where I wanted to be at certain corners at the start and where I was comfortable stretching the tape in traffic, as well on the technical aspects of the course.

Photo Cred: Mike Rowell

The whistle went off and I was bummed at myself for a subpar start and felt like I was getting swallowed by the sprinting pack. However, my start corning plans worked to perfection and I surprisingly found myself in the top half of riders as we headed towards the woods. I tried to not lose any spots, but the power straights had me hanging on for dear life. I knew that the wood section after the pavement straight and before the run up, often throws people, especially in traffic.  As we approached the woods, I found myself in a strung out single file line as we were basically stopping and waiting for riders to go over a hump and complete a tight left hand corner around a tree. I watched riders take it wide and I went tight inside on the corner, bending my body around the tree and holding my line as I passed more people, trying to make my large body as small as possible. I really wanted to get ahead of the mass that was showing to be a bit tentative in spots I was really comfortable with.

After some passes and some back and forth in the woods, I found myself gaining on a group of three and eventually caught up to them. I eventually passed them in the finishing straight section (crazy me forgot to be the caboose/not be the engine) and lead them into the woods/run up again for the 2nd lap. After a spill by myself and then another rider, I found myself in a revolving pack of four throughout the latter half of the 2nd and third lap, with a lot of back and forth occurring.

Photo Cred: Alex Carlson

At the last lap, I had grown impatient and wanted to distance myself, but knew I would need help. I asked fellow awesome lady Kim C if she was ready. I could hear it in her voice when she said she wasn’t sure and was waning, but I encouraged her that we got this and I told her let’s go and we went! For the last lap we worked together to distance ourselves and it worked for some of the lap. In the end, I tripped up the final stairs, Kim passed me, and we both got out-sprinted in the finish line stretch of wind by a younger rider. Completely spent, we chatted and laughed afterwards that we needed to come up with a code word to use in future races, for when we are together and ready to lay the hammer down. We both didn’t know where we were in the standings, still hoping for top 15 and both expressing hopes for a top ten.

When Kim came back from looking at results, she let me know we got 10th/11th and I was floored/elated for both of us! Later on, when I looked at the finishing times and saw I was 2 seconds out of a top ten spot, I was happy and bummed at the same time, knowing if I hadn’t tripped on the stairs that may have been my only chance to snag that NoHo top ten I wanted. Yet, everyone kept saying it was possible to do on Sunday; I wasn’t so sure.

Sunday morning came after spending the night at my family’s place in the Berkshires and I was tired. Not horribly so, just that feeling of travel/full effort of racing the previous day, sitting in my legs. I kept thinking about that top ten spot though, but didn’t want to work myself up too much for it to be a disappointment. Again, I did a couple pre-laps much like the day before and I realized that the course was harder, which I could feel in my tired legs. Also, some corners had gotten wide and super greasy, so I was not sure how my cornering plan was going to play out if everyone picked the same lines that I did at the start. I was becoming more honest with myself, in that it would be really nice to do that top ten, but it would be a hard effort and I was not sure that was gonna happen.

Photo Cred: Angela Dixon

At the start, I was second row and when the whistle went off, I kept with the group and stuck to my race plan. After the first corner, I somehow found myself behind fellow PedalPow teamie Val T and knew if I could stick to her roadie power for some time, I was hoping it would distance me a bit from the pack. Then the third turn came and it was full on greasy mud, right into another greasy corner. I stuck to my plan and when I came out of those two corners, there were only a handful plus of riders in front of me. I took a mental tally of racers and thought to myself that there was no way I was already in the top ten and knew it was too early to have that thought in my head.  As quickly as it entered, it was gone, for as we raced to the barriers, everyone I passed in the corners came flying past me, up and over the barriers.

I was determined not to be dropped and not to let a number of bodies get in between Val and I, who I wanted to stick on for a bit. As we climbed, I pushed myself to not lose space and it hurt, for I knew the techy fun MTB stuff was coming up and I could get distance on riders in there. I passed inside when people went wide; I passed outside when people went inside. I was watching every single rider in front of me on everything! I watched how they handled the easy turns and hard drops and I made my moves on that. I felt more analytical in this race than any other race this season. I felt clear headed and strong in every move I made. I was feeling good, but cautiously so.
When I came around a corner I had my amazing wife Kristen and fellow Comp teamie C Todd cheering me on. When I passed them and C Todd told me I was in 9th, I literally thought to myself “Holy cow! Stay calm and don’t lose anymore spots and you will make top ten!! Remember keep it smooth, just keep it smooth,” for anything can happen in a 45 minute race. When I crossed the finish line banner, it stated 3 laps to go, in which I said to myself “Three more laps to keep this ship running as is, don’t  f ’up, don’t freak out,  and  keep it smooth.” I kept it status quo for the third lap, slowly catching a rider or two and passing them. Then it was 2 laps to go and somehow I had put myself into 7th place, with 5th and 6th inches in front of me. I made a move and found myself in 5th and tried to push it.

Photo Cred: Angela Dixon

Sometimes the thing with pushing it is you also try to be cautious at times because you don’t want to screw up. Sometimes THAT can screw you up and I did. After taking over 5th, I came up on a drop down section and scrubbed speed to enter it cleanly. However, I scrubbed too much speed and did a nose manual on a large root at the top of it, which sent me sideways over the bars, and quickly put me back in 7th. However, I grabbed my bike without getting upset and got back on to chase the two riders down as quickly as I could on the techy descent. I didn’t let it sit in my head or dictate my race and I was back in the group in a blink of an eye.

I was bummed to have relinquished 5th, but in the last lap it was a constant effort to get it back. The three of us rubber banded back and forth, switching positions at least a handful of times or more. I was starting to get slowly gapped and was tired. It was starting to feel like 7th was all that was in the cards and I should be happy with that. Yet, when it came to the last few greasy corners before the finish, I kept wide, gained speed, and caught up with Whitney who was riding in 6th. I wasn’t giving up yet, even as she started to pull away from me again. Entering in the last corner before the 100 ft sprint finish, I saw her go wide and I went inside and almost blindly sprinted in hopes that I was both keeping her away but maybe having a chance at 5th. In the end, I couldn’t catch 5th by one second, but I had secured 6th when I crossed the line! Whooped, gassed, elated, and drooling, I had made the top ten!

I gave congrats to the ladies around me and spun out the effort with fellow rad lady, Tara S. We chatted back and forth on how awesome the race was and that it was two great days of solid efforts and results. When I looked at the results, I realized I was the 2nd non-junior crossing the line, so it made my old body and brain feel good.



At the end of the day/weekend, HOLY CRAP!
Not only did I snag a Top Ten at NoHo, but I did it in a confident and controlled manner. I didn’t think I had it in me on Sunday, frankly. I never know what to expect lately with my body and efforts, but I’m always hopeful, but sometimes those hopes are dashed, even when I try as hard as I can to hang onto them. I have struggled with being too hard on myself this year, for I set high (sometimes too high) expectations for myself and beat myself down when they are not met, but I have always done that truthfully. This past weekend really helped me clear out some cobwebs on the race course and exceeded my expectations, probably because I didn’t set any. Don’t get me wrong, I did look at the fun race predictors for both days, which had me sitting only a few spots up from last place. However, I knew I could do better than that, but wasn’t sure how much better. I am hoping that this is truly forward progress and I can’t wait for more racing coming up!


THANK YOU again to my amazing wife, my awesome teammates, friends, and fellow racers for cheering/supporting/pushing me throughout this weekend!! I could not have done it without you all!!

Hindsight is always 20/20

Muddy MinuteManCX smiles
Photo Cred: Katie Busick

I wish I had never taken that A-Line gamble at the end of July. Personally, I wanted to prove I was good enough to do it, to push my limits. I was confident in my MTB skills to do it, but realistically too confident and I paid the price.

I keep looking at this picture above and thinking about everything I felt on Sunday’s race. It has been a fight for a number of months. I was excited for the conditions and what could possibly be in store, however, that didn’t last. I personally beat myself up for ‘wasting’ my race and was upset. I was over confident in an early corner and payed for it. I spent the rest of the race madly chasing every rider I could in front of me, but I didn’t have much in the tank. I stewed at myself for a few minutes after the finish, then eventually got up to thank and high five friends and competition alike. That is what 2 months of barely any training and a brain injury will do to you. However, it is the other stuff that the latter does, that is the hardest to deal with at times and it isn’t always easy to talk about, but I’m going to try.

Traumatic brain injuries really play with your emotions. The highs are high, but the lows can be horribly low. The happiness is hard and the sadness seems simple at times. The ebb and flow balance is missing and it is a challenge to find that. TBIs are like a CX race in a way; confidence can be fleeting and self doubt seems heavy, but you relish in the moments when you snagged that piece of confidence back and shoved the doubt away for a moment. It is an all out battle, but with your own head.

Who knows where I would be today if I had done the B-Line, but I didn’t. And with that I know there was lessons to be learned, probably a number of them still to come. One lesson learned so far is that I should be grateful: Grateful to be here, in all manners. I need to keep reminding myself of that lesson the most. I need to keep fighting to find that ebb and flow in that happy/sad balance. I need to really work at letting the bad stuff go, whatever it may be from, for again I need to remember to be grateful that I am able to experience it. I need to focus on the small ‘wins’ for those can compound into big wins over time. I’m not saying that it is going to be easy and I will fail at times, but I am going to try my best.

The second lesson is one that is really hard and frustrating to deal with at times: There is no end-date. There is no cast to take off after six weeks, no time table provided that shows recovery steps I will hit until I am fully 100% again. Some days I feel awesome and strong, other days I am foggy and whooped. I need to enjoy the good and work with the bad days and value them, as hard as it can be. I also need to remember that this won’t last forever, it is a bump in my course. Again, I may fail sometimes and prevail at others.

In the end, I am going to try my hardest to work with whatever gets thrown my way with this injury and figure out how to keep moving forward, for I am grateful to be able to ride my bike, let alone race it. I’m grateful for my wife and her strength and support through this, for I know it hasn’t been easy for her. She is my rock.

My Amazing Wife: Kristen
Photo Cred: Katie Busick

I’m grateful for my family who listens and supports me as well. I’m grateful for my friends who have offered help in all ways that they can and who have cheered me on in simple tasks and on the race course. I’m grateful for my competition that pushes me to push myself and to keep fighting. Thank you all and thanks for listening.

Redemption

Some tripod action/hugging a rutty ledge
Photo Cred: The super amazing Meg McMahon

Cyclocross Nationals ver. 2.0

I would be lying if I didn't say that Nationals from Asheville has not been on my mind since about 10:40 am, on January 7th, 2016. I am pretty sure it was digging into my subconscious all season, that unfinished nagging feeling. 
I had the crappiest cyclocross season to date, no need to go into it any further, for I know you have all heard it before. I was ready for the season to be over with and honestly, was just hoping to come out unscathed for the three races I had on the docket, but didn't know what to expect, except one thing...

I just wanted to finish.

I like to think of myself as a technical rider, but sometimes I don't know where I fall into that category at times. I feel like sometimes, I am all talk and no show. This season was all over the map for me and at courses that I felt suited my technical skill set, I either imploded or my bike did. So I was unsure of what to expect coming into #CXNats. Videos leading up to Nationals showed that it was going to be a fast/pure power course and I was already bored with the grass crit that was potentially on the table. 
However, I am not gonna lie: I may have been more than slightly excited for the varying weather that came through last week. As it was raining and snowing, I was hoping that it would slow some of the power houses down and really highlight those with bike handling skills. Essentially racing three different courses this past week, really proved to be a dream for me. 

Tuesday was the Women’s Non-Champs 23-39 ‘race’ (or course preview at an attempt at race pace) which was a slip/slid mud-fest. It was cold and miserable off of the bike, but I found that it was fun and challenging on the bike. My first impression was witnessing cyclists waiting at the top of a levee and butts sliding all over the place, down the Bonk Breaker Hill. See: Mud Slide Madness at U.S. CX Nationals 

Ridge Supply Double Gap sock carnage from Tuesday's Race

I looked at the clusterf*ck and decided to roll to the left and let it fly. I was happy that I was able to ride the infamous slip 'n slide both times in my pre-ride, but knew it would be different come 'go time.' During the race, in the first lap I essentially surfed down the hill, due to too many butts (literally butts) in the way. The course was so muddy and long, that we only did two laps. I was happy to be able to ride the hill on the 2nd lap successfully. All in all, I was happy at where I placed, at lucky 13th, as it was just a course re-con sort of day.  

Fellow #NECX racer Jen Murphy shows you what it was like during our Non-champs race via her YouTube video: CXNats 2017 Hartford Women's 23-39 Non-Championship Race, Lap 1

Lines of frozen concrete mud were on Thursday's course menu

Thursday was concrete muddy ice ruts that could eat you in a second if you weren’t on you’re A-game the entire course and looking 20 feet ahead. They also said that due to long lap times, they would shorten the course from previous days. At this news, I was hoping for more laps then Tuesday, in order to hopefully reel some ladies in and improve upon my 13th place from Tuesday. 

I was only able to get one pre-ride lap in, but it was enough to know that the course was all about being light on the saddle/handlebars, not trying to force the bike where it didn't belong, and just steady pedaling through jarring bumps (which is pretty hard to do!). 

Once the whistle went off, I found myself in pretty darn fast company with Jenny Wojewoda and Emily Molden. However, it wasn't long before they took off up the Bonk Breaker Hill run up at breakneck speed and I found myself in about a group of 5 getting gapped, trying hard to not let the lead 10 get too far ahead. 

Slowly, but surely I felt like the roughness of the course caught ladies (and bikes) by surprise, as I passed a couple of them who were having issues. I quickly saw Jenny ahead of me on an off camber remount and moved as fast as I could to get to her wheel. All of a sudden, I felt like I was back in the game, being in her company. 

Jenny and I went back and forth for a bit, cheering each other on, being competitive, testing each other's strengths (and weaknesses) while trying to work together for a little bit to snag back on to the lead group. After a bit of this, I wanted to push myself harder and attempted to shift down to a harder gear but couldn't. I went up to an easier gear instead! I tried again and my shifter "popped," only to fall back into the gear I was at previously. I couldn't shift! I attempted to shift my front derailleur and it worked, but it only gave me a couple more teeth and I wanted have a better gear ratio put in more power, for my legs and body were feeling good. However, as it went the whole season, I was stuck with just those two gears for the remainder of the race, unable to attack or gap anyone. It stunk, for I was really hoping to pull off a top 10 result based off of conditions and how I was feeling, but it wasn't  going to be my day. I crossed the line in 14th and shrugged my shoulders; it was what it was. I had one more race to go.

For both of those days, I didn’t have the results I wanted, but I was okay with it, for me and my bike (for the most part), finished in one piece and on the lead lap each day. That was an improvement over last year’s derailleur debacle in Asheville and quite longer then 6 minutes and 23 seconds. 

Trying to smile in the Champs race w/only two gears.
Photo Cred: Jim Murphy

While Tuesday and Thursday were hard, each lap you kinda knew what to expect on the next lap; where there were “clean-ish” lines and where you could snag an inch of traction or where the exact frozen rut line was; Saturday was its own animal.  

With it being January in New England, even with climate change, we managed to get a snowstorm during our race. Due to the ever falling snow, as well as bike/person eating ruts, and permafrost corners; each lap of icy concrete lines was different, as I found out in my snowy pre-ride. 

Snowy SS Start Photo Cred: Rena Schild photography

As my first official SingleSpeed race , I honestly didn't know what to expect. After the whistle blew, I surprised that I was already passing ladies on the pit straightaway, due to just the right gearing for me (44t x 20t) and the course. I felt great and slowly made my way up the Bonk Breaker Hill and then over to the Cannondale hairpin corner of ice/snow. 

Bonk Breaker Hill Ice-Snowy Run
Photo Cred: Kristen Lukach

On this specific corner, there were flailing limbs and bikes everywhere, causing many bike to bike/person to person/bike to person crashes. It was complete mayhem! After navigating through the corner insanity, I went flying down the snowy hill, as ladies were surfing (or sliding down). Sadly, as I reached the bottom, I heard a clanking noise that resonated throughout my body. I looked down towards my chain, only to see it floundering all over my crank-arm. I literally said out loud “You have got to be kidding me! I can’t even escape a mechanical with one gear!” I pulled over to the side of the course, struggled as fast as frozen fingers could get the chain back on, as the entire field passed me. I was DFL and so mad. I felt like the season of nonsense was continuing and this was how it was going to end!

As I got back on my bike, chain intact, I had one girl in front of me that I could see. So naturally in crazy bike racing induced stupor, I started hammering and pushing my bike in icy places it didn’t belong, as I tried desperately to not be last. As a result, I was getting more and more mad at myself as the seconds went by and the flopping continued all over the place. At one point, during a run/remount, I gave myself a 2.2 second pep talk; I told myself to calm down, race my race, and go from there. 
And I did.

From the latter half of lap 1, all the way to the end of the super snowy 4th, I raced my race. I used body english and technical know how to navigate corners ladies were running.

Snowy SingleSpeed Redemption #CXNats Smiles...
Photo Cred: Brought to you by the insanely talented and gracious Meg McMahon

I wiggled and bounced lightly through straightaway snowy frozen ruts and just kept pedaling through, as the saying of “slow is smooth and smooth is fast” went through my head. With all the ladies being on an even playing ground with just one gear, I slowly starting picking them off with that mantra. I also knew as I kept passing one to the next, if I kept it smooth, I could keep them at bay. Slowly and surely, I was starting to have fun, and Meg captured it. 

As I crossed the finish line, the totality of a season of training and crap results behind me, I was euphoric to be done and have that “finally finished” feeling, one that I had not experienced after last year’s Nationals. I was so happy to see Kristen there at the end, smiling. It made it complete.

In the end, I am proud of my 15th place finish in one of the most technical days of racing that I have ever experienced. I managed to pass half of the field coming back from last and I think that Saturday provided me with the positive assurance that I needed to restart 2017. I needed to know that when most things are equal, that it it not just talk and bull$hit to make myself feel better, in that I consider myself a technical rider, but that I proved it to myself. 
Now I am finished for the season and I can start afresh for the next!

To finish it off:
Thank you to Kristen who supported/cheered for me in one of the coldest/snowiest days of racing (and all season)! Thank you to all whom I heard out there cheering on the other side of the tape through the snowflakes! It was like a hometown race! Thank you to our friends/teammates/#NECX peeps for the hugs and support, all week and all season. Thank you to Meg McMahon (and the tons of other photographers) for standing out in the cold for the entire week/weekend (and season), snapping pictures of all of us either running, riding, or crashing! Thank you to the entire #CXNats crew/volunteers for putting on a great show in some serious New Englandahhhh weather! 

I had fun (and finished) at CXNats!
Photo Cred: Kristen Lukach

Thank you all for a great Redemption #CXNats!